When Bad Smells Happen in Small Spaces:

There are some things that people should not do. Farting in small spaces is definitely one of them.
I was assaulted twice today.

First , in an elevator. Some middle-aged woman who was marinated in a musky perfume released a silent-killer. It was horrible. I was grateful that it was one those modern, speedy-makes-your-stomach-lurch elevators. I ran outta there hella-fast.

I thought I had escaped doom.
But when I was on the subway, some fiend let loose a gaseous-horror of gargantuan proportions. There was no escape. And I couldn't even give the culprit the evil-eye because the train was so packed you couldn't tell where the smell was hitting you from.

However, it was fun to watch the yuppies try to "ignore" the smell. Everyone knew it was there. No one wanted to acknowledge its presence.
Must keep composure.
I say, next time someone ought to just say what everyone is thinking: Ah Jeez, that stinks! Who farted? Come here so I can smack you around like a penguin!